Todae is my birthday.. I'm 22 already.. cant imagine it.. yrs ago I was still excited abt turning 18 so tt i can legally drink & club at Zouk.. after turning 18.. i juz feel like turning 21 faster so tt i will b considered an adult and can go to even more club.. todae i turned 22.. still loving my parties & clubbings.. but not tt excited anymore..
tis yr.. no candles to blow.. no birthday song to hear.. no presents to unwrap.. no one at hm to celebrate e 1st minute w me.. I’m alone..
Juz came back from Adelaide, Australia 2 wks ago.. brokenhearten.. I really made afew good frenz there in Adelaide.. they noe who they r.. don’t hv to mention namez.. really fell in love there too.. 1.5 yrs ago.. my family decided to send me there.. I cried everyday knowing there I’ll b leaving spore for 18mths.. Leaving my mum, sis, brother-in-law, “baby” (boyfren back then) & all my lovely lovely frens here..
I went ovr alone without a fren.. although mum & all went ovr w me, but they were only there a wk.. Left me at my bro-in-law’s parents’ place & went back to spore.. All alone in a foreign country w no frens.. I tout tt was e end of me.. back then sis introduced L to me.. L was frm spore too.. I began to relied a lot on L since he was e only sporean there.. & when uni started.. I started to hv more frenz too.. got to noe W and a lot of other frenz.. Life was getting brighter but r/s w “baby” began to get tougher.. I noe “baby” loves me & was worried abt me.. but it juz became so tough tt I think its best to end it.. a fren told me.. u hv a bf is bcoz u want some1 to b physically there to share and to be shared all ur happiness & sorrows.. if tt cant be done.. wats e point in a r/s.. I think tis is very true.. & I decided to stop torturing “baby” and myself & thus I ended e r/s of ovr a yr..
I moved out of my aunty’s place after e 1st semester of uni & move in w 2 of my frens, LL & SS.. Life became colourful after tt..
I started to get closer to L and W & was really starting to enjoy my uni life in adel.. then I realize tt L was actually not e type of guy tt I wld like for a bf.. but I didn’t noe how to reject him as we were already quite close at tt point in time.. I started to depend more on W as I found comfort in him.. thru W I gotta noe T.. blame it on my undecisiveness.. I had a bad closure w L.. a really dreadfully bad one.. it was a nightmare.. but W, LL and T was with me throughout e whole incident.. Especially T..
T seems to b e strongest ray of light tt lead me out e mightmare.. IF to say W was e teacher giving advices in my nightmare.. LL wld b e brother protecting e younger sis & T wld b e guardian angel tt was there holding tight to my hands when I cired and leading me out frm e devil.. After “waking up” frm e nightmare.. I didn’t dare to “fall asleep” again.. thinking I might “dream” abt e same nightmare again.. But it was T tt reminds me there are sweet dreamz as well.. He became my sweet dreamz.. he told me : wish I knew what to say to make you feel better like you always do. Try to have fun you are allowed to be happy, noones right to stop that, anyway the party would prob b very boring without you running around boucin off the walls! He he **smile** please that frown doesn’t suit you!
My next 2 months in Adelaide had been e best 2 months I ever had in my life.. I wasn’t attracted to T’s looks, I wasn’t attracted to T’s style.. I wasn’t attracted to T’s background, I wasn’t attracted to T’s capabilities.. I wasn’t attracted to what he has but just what he is.. Friends around me told me tt T is already fire and I am playing w fire.. But I juz thought tt I could be e water to drain e fire.. It was e best autumn.. T brought me to everywhere.. He showed me to e fun 1 can hv in e most boring state in Australia.. He showed me to wine festival.. he showed me to mojo.. he showed me to flumo blue.. he showed me to saville.. he showed me what he thinks is e most romantic night view in adelaide.. (torrens river in front of e entertainment center) he threw oranges at my window everytime he came ovr to my place.. we cooked thai chicken salad 2gether.. We went clubs and pubs and bars and karaoke 2gether.. We went for coffee together.. we get drunk together.. we watched tv and vcds and dvds together.. we ate curries together.. cooked instant noodles 3am in e morning together.. we went for ice cream together.. BUT we were nvr known as a couple together.. Juz hanging around.. juz “seeing each other”.. Not knowing wat does “seeing each other” actually meanz.. I came back to spore for summer holidays thinking I was e happiest girl around..
Back in spore.. I told all my frenz how great life was in aldelaide.. I tout I was e party ger frm spore & T was e party guy frm Adelaide and was both ready to tone dwn abit or rather party as an item.. But I was wrong.. few weeks after I was back.. things w T started to go dwn hill.. I started to get confused & worried & jus wanna get back to Adelaide to sort things out.. I learnt tt “seeing each other” meanz 2 ppl see something in each other tt others doesn’t.. its nothing exclusive.. Since then I had nightmares again.. but tis time it was diff.. there was no devil no teacher no brother and no angel in my nightmare.. I was all alone in a dark space.. cant see nor hear nor feel anything..
I was back in Adelaide after 11 weeks.. Fearing of what I might expected had happened.. I realized I was wrong all along.. I wasn’t e water to wipe out e fire.. I was e hand tt got burnt by e fire.. and I didn’t knew y or what happened.. I got burnt real bad.. I rang my gf in spore and cried.. I was devastated.. countless nights.. I cried myself to sleep and woke up in e middle of e nite asking myself if its true.. asking myself y do I always hv to learnt thru my own bad experiences.. what hv I done wrong..
I wanted to be strong.. I tried to act tough and keep my cool.. I tried to keep myself occupied by taking up hobbies like going to e gym, making desserts, going out w frenz and even try e most cruel way of having a rebound.. but I cant.. everywhere I go I bump into T, everything I do and say, I think of him.. I so wanted to know e reason y.. but I cldnt bring myself to ask.. 3 days b4 I left.. I met up w him.. but still I didn’t ask.. he said he will catch up w me e day after but he only rang me when I was on my way hm.. last day in Adelaide.. I was at e airport.. still didn’t dare to ask.. 1 part of me was sad tt I had to leave my frenz here.. anor part of me was really upset thinking tt I might not ever see him again.. In e end.. I got up e plane w a doubt and a broken heart..
Well.. enuff of my life in Adelaide.. back to spore.. I came back alone and realized tt all my gfs were attached and 1 getting married end of tis yr.. I had dinner w them on fri nite to celebrate my bday.. There was this moment during the dinner when all e 6 gers started to discuss about their bfs and marriages and buying a flat.. And I was juz sitting there thinking.. Del.. What have u been doing when all ur closest frenz had already moved on to the next stage of life..
--I LOVE YOU NOT BECAUSE I NEED YOU BUT I NEED YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU--
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